Sunday, March 07, 2004

Why Do You Torture Me Joel Sherman of 519 Maple Lane!!!! 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Drink some grade B maple syrup. Take deep cleansing breaths. Find a 6'6 140 pound yogi. Relax. Put yourself in a happy place. October 1986 in front of the TV. Think good thoughts. Fairies. Angels. Wait, the Angels are a baseball team. They play in the American League. The American League is the league other than the National League. There are other teams in the National League. The Mets are a baseball team that plays in the National League! Newspapers cover the Mets National League baseball team! The NY Post is a newspaper that covers the Mets National League baseball team! And Joel Sherman writes for the NY Post that covers the Mets National League baseball team! Damn it! No matter how hard I try I can't not read Joel Sherman's articles! He's like a car wreck; you know it's going to be grizzly but you look anyway. And you always wish you hadn't. This morning I wish I hadn't.

So ask yourself - what does the Spencer/Garcia pizza boy brouhaha have to do with Alfonso Soriano? NOTHING! Well, nothing unless you are Joel Sherman looking to fill some space with brain vomit. Sherman turns the Spencer/Garcia altercation into yet another mindless article bashing the Mets for not trading Scott Kazmir and anyone else for that matter to obtain Alfonso Soriano.

There is a determined group within the Met organization, players included, hoping to ultimately convince Fred Wilpon to spend the money and prospects necessary to obtain Alfonso Soriano.

If this determined group within the Met organization exists, then they represent the least evolved, IQ challenged, most self-serving sub group in the Mets. Sherman et al are the first to trash the Mets if there are any indications that ownership is taking the advise of its veteran players yet now Sherman feels justified in proclaiming the Mets should listen to players who, for their own selfish reasons, may want Soriano. And this is all assuming this "determined group within the Met organization" is anything more than a figment of Sherman's Met bashing, pinstriping imagination. I will not take a statement by Al Leiter or Tom Glavine saying that they would like to have Alfonso Soriano on the team as an endorsement to trade away Scott Kazmir to get him. Every comment made by Met players was a simple response to reporters questions asking "what do you think of Soriano" or "would you like to have Soriano on your team." What are the players supposed to say "no, the guy sucks."

Their case already was strong: Soriano's lively bat and athletic body; the energy that would be injected into a discouraged fan base (hello, attendance boost), and the chance - for a change - to score one over the Yankees.

A strong case huh? I guess it would be too much to ask for this clown to realize that if Soriano comes to the Mets he would be transferred to right field and batted lower in the batting order than he had in the past, whether he likes it or not. Once you send him to right field and hit him lower in the order the two main attributes of his game, power and speed, are cut off at the knees. No longer would Soriano be a freakishly productive second basemen but would be a dime a dozen right fielder. An overpaid one at that. And as for the chance "to score one over the Yankees" who the hell cares! But if you're the type of fan that likes to pretend that the Mets and Yankees play each other in the NY East Division, please tell me how taking yet another Bronx reject somehow scores one over on the Yankees? They didn't want Soriano. They shipped him off. They got the best player in the game in return. And they got that best player in the game in return on the cheap. Obtaining Soriano would not be getting one over on the Yankees, it would be taking their sloppy seconds. No thanks, I don't want the Yankees' cooties.

On Thursday night, the case got stronger as the fighting in the Mets' version of Platoon turned out poorly. Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer, the favorites to share right field, were involved in an altercation outside a local bar, much of which I personally witnessed.

Why why why couldn't Spencer and Garcia have urinated on Sherman, ran him over with their Hummer and then thrown him in the bushes!

Interestingly, Spencer and especially Garcia are Mets partly due to a gleaming endorsement Yankee GM Brian Cashman offered his Met counterpart, Jim Duquette. "That's one of the reasons why when I saw it [accounts of this altercation] in the paper I felt so bad," Cashman said by phone. In particular, Cashman had told Duquette that despite Garcia's Fenway bullpen fracas during last year's ALCS Game 3, an incident for which Garcia is still facing assault and battery charges, he thought Garcia had good character.

Cashman! (in my best Seinfeld "Newman!" voice)

Rangers GM John Hart has said he will not deal Soriano this spring. However, a person familiar with the Mets' inner workings, said Hart also said stay in touch. Which Met brass has interpreted as Soriano could be had for the right price. Read Scott Kazmir.

This "person familiar with the Mets' inner workings" is very busy. Get this guy a raise already. I wonder if Sherman has a Windows short cut on his PC desktop for "person familiar with the Mets' inner workings"?

Today there is even more of a case for the Mets to go get Soriano. More stupid Met tricks.

Breath. You can do it. Calm down. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
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